TRAVELS & INSIGHTS: The View From Tyre

Tomorrow is Another Day

After midnight last night I had to turn up the volume on my TV while watching a classic civil war epic on Dubai television, because there were fireworks and distractive honking, hooting and hollering outside.

The noise sounded like an especially hyped up wedding party. But it wasn’t. Once I heard the gunfire in the air, I guessed that there must have been some kind of “positive-for-Hezbollah-and-Amal” political development to do with the recent deadlock.

Looking down from my balcony I saw civilian cars waving political flags. They were circling the main streets of Tyre, and were followed by army trucks to keep the peace.

I had tried to escape the tension and stress of the past week in Lebanon by watching “Gone With The Wind” – but found myself instead contemplating the ugliness and meaning of civil war. When I first saw the movie and read the book, more than 20 years ago, I had mainly been interested in the psychological drama between Scarlett, Rhett, Melanie and Ashley. The war was just a backdrop.

Years later it turns out, after working in countries that had just finished a war, were still experiencing conflict, and were under some degree of threat of another war, (Bosnia and Herzegovina, Afghanistan, and now Lebanon), I look at the movie differently.

Last night the mainly young men of Tyre, like those in southern Beirut, were celebrating their victory over the government. They got what they wanted, with help from the Arab League— a revocation of the controversial airport and private phone network decisions.

I wonder… Now that the notion that “violence works” is out there, what are the chances that the continuing peaceful negotiations work?

Some people in Tyre seem to be in a good mood today. Just like many of the city’s residents predicted, it appears that the gun battles lasted only a few days. Local friends are asking me if I’m going to unpack now and relax.

Not so fast. The issues of political representation and choosing a new president for the country still haven’t been solved. And, I don’t believe that Lebanon has simply wound back the clock 10 days. The stakes in this political game are higher now.

As a result of what happened over the past week, it appears that the political and religious divisions amongst the people are now much sharper than they were before. Not to mention that sixty or so people are now dead from the clashes.

A glance at the groups in Facebook’s Lebanon network that people have been joining over the past few months (some of which have just sprung up in the last week) is telling.  “Future TV Will Never Stop”; “I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who like sayed hassan nasralh!!”; “Death Sentence for Hassan Nasrallah”; “Al Manar TV”; “USS Cole Welcome to the Hell”; “Al Mustaqbal Newspaper”;  “No Civil War”; and many more Arabic language groups that support the various political groups and political leaders.

Other anecdotes:

• I spoke to some Lebanese Christians in Tyre yesterday who are, not to put to fine a point on it, pissed off. They pleaded with me (though recognizing that I have no sway whatsoever) to tell George Bush that not everyone here in the South is trying to make trouble; that America has friends here. They don’t want their lives ruined with some regional proxy war.

• Tension is also rising between locals here and foreigners. I  spoke to a couple foreign friends of mine yesterday who were accosted over the weekend by a nutcase, reciting Koranic verses and accusing them of stealing money from the locals and conspiring to kill Lebanese children. Another friend from abroad said her usually friendly vegetable seller demanded that she speak more Arabic.

As I write, several roads remain blocked by the opposition as part of their civil disobedience campaign; though there were reports that the Lebanon Syria border crossing and the airport roadblocks were coming down.  Arab efforts to resolve the Lebanon crisis continue.

Stay tuned….

Recommended Reading/Viewing Today:

Last night on Al Jazeera English Zena Khodr delivered a fascinating, but frightening story of Sunnis in the Bekaa arming for a fight with the Shia. (looking for a link to this)

See also this intelligent editorial in today’s Daily Star; “You Can Bring a Politician to the Table, But You Can’t Make Him Talk Sense.”

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/article.asp?edition_id=1&article_id=92033&categ_id=17

following the crisis in Lebanon

Naharnet, www.naharnet.com, has been running a live chronology of events in Lebanon for the past few days, for those who are following this crisis.

Also Lebanon’s Daily Star, www.dailystar.com, has been posting more up-to-date information than they usually do.

The View from Tyre: Getting Worse Before it Gets Better?

It’s sunny and breezy today like a perfect San Diego day. Except that in other areas of the country there’s what some are calling “a war” going on.

I’m sitting at the Costa coffee in Tyre in South Lebanon. For those not familiar with my blog, it’s a Starbucks-style UK coffee chain that I frequent. I was here off and on all weekend and it was fairly crowded. Many Tyre residents lost their internet service due to the lightening strike. But last night there was a new dimension to the crowd. For about an hour when my husband was here, he said the place was literally packed. He said he saw lots of unfamiliar faces. This is a small town.

For example, there were groups of flashy Beiruti-looking women gathered in groups having their coffee. Not too many local Tyre women come here. The women that do are usually expats or women who work with expats. (i.e. who work with the aid agencies or the UN). This morning I asked the barista why it was so crowded. “Because of the war,” he said.

Some folks from the Beirut area and the mountains have come to Tyre it seems, because it’s a safe haven. Some Druze (I’ve heard). Other Shia (I’m guessing). Am almost certain no March 14 government supporters here. (sidenote: We’ve noticed that the March 14 youth now have special new graphics for their IM chats— such as the word Hezbollah with a cross through it like a no parking sign. Don’t know what kind of graphics the young opposition supporters might be using, but if I find out I’ll post it).

I spoke with one young female devout Shia shopkeeper in Tyre at length earlier this morning to gauge the general feeling in Tyre. She said she’d been watching the news, checking the internet, and IM chatting all weekend.

“It’s safe here. There are no March 14 people. You can count them on one hand and they won’t start any fights,” she said.

I asked her what her impressions were of the spreading gun battles (Tripoli, the Chouf). I told her that there was brief gunfire overnight again in Hamra (the upscale commercial/residential district in Beirut), and according to Al Jazeera one of their camera crews was injured.

“Is Hezbollah trying to take over the country,” I asked, “because you know, that’s what the pro-government people, and some international analysts are thinking.”

She answered emphatically, “No. Hezbollah does not want to take over the country.” She said that at beginning the opposition only wanted to have a strike about the economy but that March 14 wanted a fight and drew their weapons. So Hezbollah, Amal, and their supporters had to fire back in self defense. She said the general feeling around here (a majority Shia town, with a Christian minority) is that Mr. Sinioria is “a liar and a crook”. “He takes for himself and his supporters money that should go to the Shia population. He raised the price of petrol. The prices on everything is too high. Nobody is working.”

She explained that once Siniora “the main problem” steps down, Hezbollah will stop the fighting, and all the parties will sit down and work out a way they can be equally represented in government.

She is disturbed that so many people have been killed, but she is convinced that what the opposition is doing now may yield peaceful results.

There’s an Arabic expression, she said, to describe what’s happening. The direct translation is – “Things need to get big before they get small” Or in other words — “Things have to get worse before they get better.”

Here in Tyre, you can’t tell there’s a “war”, if that’s even the right word, going on in other parts of the country. People continue to reassure us that nothing bad is going to happen here, i.e. There will be no sectarian clashes and there will be no war with Israel. Things will be better in a matter of days.

The shopkeeper, who’s doubtful that Israel could get involved because “it’s an internal Lebanese conflict” maintains, like so many people here do, that if Israel chooses to go to war with Hezbollah, “Israel would lose.”

But All is Quiet on the Southern Front …

(No, those boats (above) are not going to Cyprus. The picture is of a peaceful scene in Tyre tonight outside an atypically quiet restaurant.)

TO UPDATE: Within minutes of completing my last blog post, the situation in the country had changed again.

A scenario occurred that I hadn’t considered in my last post… Opposition fighters led by Hezbollah and Amal began pulling back from the streets it took over and occupied in West Beirut, and handed control over to the Lebanese Army after the Lebanese Army announced it would freeze measures taken by the government against Hezbollah.

The army said that it would investigate the issue of Hezbollah’s telephone network, deemed illegal by the Lebanese government, and that it would reinstate the airport’s sacked security chief.

The status of the barricaded roads, including the blocked airport road, however is not yet clear. According to a Reuters story: a senior opposition source told Reuters that the opposition would maintain a “civil disobedience” campaign until all of its demands were met. That would include barricades on major roads, including all routes to the airport. http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L10245906.htm

While relative calm returned to Beirut’s streets (a friend said there were people jogging and strolling on Beirut’s corniche late this afternoon), there were scattered gun battles in northern Lebanon between pro-government supporters and opposition forces that killed at least 10 people, and apparently kidnappings and killings in the Chouf mountains.

According to the New York Times: “Hezbollah officials announced that three Hezbollah members had been kidnapped in the Chouf mountain town of Aley, and that two others had been killed by fighters loyal to Walid Jumblatt, the Druse leader. Hezbollah’s statement made it clear that the group held Mr. Jumblatt, who is allied with Mr. Siniora’s government, responsible for the kidnapping and murders of the men, who were found shot and stabbed in front of a hospital.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/11/world/middleeast/11lebanon.html?ref=middleeast

Me and my suitcases are staying put for now…

Time to Charter Private Watercraft to Cyprus?

The US Embassy sent out a message to US citizens today saying the Embassy “continues to strongly urge that Americans defer travel to Lebanon and that American citizens in Lebanon consider carefully the risks of remaining.”

With the main road to the airport still blocked and the road to Damascus blocked, the US Embassy embassy stated that “American citizens wanting to depart may wish to consider chartering private watercraft to Cyprus.”

Members of Amal and Hezbollah (immensely popular in Tyre), plus other members of the opposition-to-the-Lebanese-government, including the Syrian Social Nationalist Party, have taken over western Beirut after three days of gunbattles in the streets, and also set fire to a pro-government  station.

The Lebanese PM, Fouad Siniora, today asked Hezbollah to leave those areas of Beirut it has occupied, decamp from downtown where they’ve been holding a sit -in for more than a year, and re-open the road to the airport.

Siniora urged the army to restore order and vowed his government would hold firm. “I have called on the army to live up to its national responsibilities without hesitation or delay and this has not happened until now,” he said. “I call on the army to impose security on everyone in all areas and to clear armed elements from the street immediately.”
http://www.dailystar.com.lb/articlebr.asp?edition_id=1&categ_id=2&article_id=91903

Twenty-nine people, according to AFP, have died in sectarian clashes this week in Lebanon, including Beirut and areas of the Bekaa Valley.

Siniora also called for dialogue mediated by a neutral party, and insisted that he and pro-government supporters were not declaring war on Hezbollah and its allies. But since the speech Hezbollah has not budged from it’s positions– physical or otherwise.

Hezbollah has demanded the government reverse the decisions that seem to have sparked this latest round of fighting. The government had called Hezbollah’s private telephone network illegal (which Nasrullah argued was necessary for security and any potential war with Israel), and the government sacked the airport’s security chief said to be allied with Hezbollah. The government had accused Hezbollah of setting up their own security cameras there.

The army is walking a fine line. In recent days the army was seen as trying to be neutral, as it’s members are multi-confessional. But then again, the army did not prevent Hezbollah and its allies from occupying west Beirut, nor did it remove the roadblocks that are virtually preventing anyone that wants to from leaving the country in a reasonable manner or conducting normal commerce. There are fears the army could break apart and take sides. Now what is the army going to do? We are waiting and seeing…

We stayed up late last night watching all the analysis; mainly on Al Jazeera, but BBC and CNN also had their own take. No one knows for sure what’s going to happen.

Before Sinioria’s speech this afternoon I was at a local pharmacy. I was there to pick up a small item, but got to talking with the pharmacist about what was going on. He had the tv on and was watching a live report. Since I don’t know Arabic well at all, I asked him for a translation. His Russian is better than his English and my Arabic so we had a spirited discussion about what was going on in Russian.

The pharmacist said that Hezbollah is a political party that just wants equal representation in the country. He said he was confident that the parties were now going to sit down and talk and would resolve this crisis in the next few days. He also said he had no fear that Israel would launch another war, because he felt that Israel was weakened by the last war with Hezbollah and was anyway too busy “celebrating their (60 year) holiday.”

My hairdresser on Thursday said his sister was stuck in Beirut with no food to feed her children. Another local friend is going to “try and drive to Beirut” with her family tomorrow, “without getting killed” to go rescue her sister who’s all alone in her apartment there.

I’ve talked to folks from all sides that are just plain scared and just want peace. From Sunni-supporters in Saida who are very angry; to Tyre university students who used to side with Nasrullah but are now sick of the violence he has wrought –”for what?”– and say they are now fighting with their friends from other political persuasions; to Druze friends who have fled the country; to Beirutis who had been hiding in their corridors while gunfire rang out beneath them; to American academics who tried to go grocery shopping in Hamra but hurried back to their AUB apartments to take refuge.

That said I’ve also spoken with various Tyre acquaintances who said the situation in the country was improving and would be resolved for the better in a matter of days. Many of those people tend to get their news from Hezbollah-owned Al Manar TV.

Now, following the live broadcast of the Siniora speech and the accompanying analysis, I’m sitting at a cafe checking my emails because a freak Spring storm a couple nights ago blew out my connection at my apartment nearby.

We had thought about going to the beach today. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood as they say. But maybe this is probably uneasy calm, and it’s better to be close to the information than to be swimming around the ocean ignoring the reality.

I packed our suitcases for the 5th time this year last night. The last time I did this Nasrullah had spoken about another war with Israel, saying “we are ready” if Israel attacks. Then around the same time there was an earthquake. In this country there are all kinds of possibilities….

Not Quite a Typical Day

It is morning in Tyre and the daily rhythm of this mainly friendly and laid back beach town begins again. The fruit and vegetable sellers are pushing their creeking carts through the streets and yelling up to the high-rise apartments “potata.” “Potatoes” is the only word in I clearly understand, but they’re also selling fresh bananas, strawberries, cherries, tomatoes, melons, onions, eggplant, carrots, squash, and greens.

Other typical daily sounds of Tyre — beeping horns, the occasional ambulance, the gunning of motorinos, and the calls to prayer and the loud daily death announcements emanating from the mosque.

At night it’s not unusual to hear beeping horns, cars skidding out, and the laughter of young men and boys. But by around midnight, if our balcony door is open, all has quieted down and we can hear the sea.

But last night at midnight, while watching the day’s news — the continuing tragedy in Myanmar, the democratic fight in the US, and the temporary quieting of that day’s armed clashes in Beirut– we suddenly heard angry yelling and honking horns.

When I stepped outside on my balcony to investigate, I saw big plumes of smoke. Nearby fires from burning tires were reflected in the windows of apartment buildings. And the air smelled awful.

“Stupid guys from downtown” IM’d a friend whose house stunk of burnt rubber from the protest. Apparently this protest wasn’t officially sanctioned by Hezbollah or Amal. And it was short-lived. The army quickly came and broke up the “party” and the streets were quiet again.

“Nothing is going to happen in Tyre” is a mantra you hear from the locals and some of the internationals whenever you get stressed out about what’s going on in Beirut. The anti-government opposition it the majority here. Lately if there’s any “action” here, it’s relatively mild.

At one point yesterday afternoon a small band of mostly school boys had showed their non-violent solidarity with opposition protestors in Beirut. During their small parade they chanted, beat on tambourines, and waved Hezbollah and Amal flags. A couple cars, also waving flags, led the procession. Three army trucks with seemingly bored soldiers followed at a safe distance behind to make sure nothing untoward happened. For about 30 seconds there was “excitement” on the corniche.

Then the locals, tourists, and international workers went back to drinking coffee, enjoying the breeze, and watching the blue-green waves wash in on this calm sunny day.

It was much much scarier in Beirut yesterday, and it seems to be getting worse today. A general strike, called by labor unions to voice dissatisfaction with the government’s economic policies and the low minimum wage, escalated into clashes between pro-government forces and opposition supporters allied with the strikers. Roadblocks, made from earth mounds and burning cars and tires, paralyzed the city and there was a heavy army presence.

A quick glance at Naharnet (www.naharnet.com) today shows the violence continuing in Beirut and the Bekaa Valley, and even moving into northern Lebanon as I write, with many injuries and at least one death. The opposition has set up more roadblocks today in those areas.

The airport road is one of those roads. Reports vary as to whether the airport itself is closed or not. The Lebanese government had sacked the airport’s security chief over allegations that Hezbollah had their own security cameras set up there. And Hezbollah is incensed about threats by the Lebanese government to break up their private telephone network that the government has declared “illegal.”

The labor unions say the strike will continue until they get the minimum wage hike they were asking for; not the one they got. Some news reports say the civil disobedience by the Hezbollah-led opposition will continue until the government rescinds the decisions it made regarding the telephone network and the airport security chief. Other reports say it won’t end until the opposition gets the national political representation it wants. So we don’t know how long it will last.

There’s been internal political deadlock for about a year-and-a-half, and no President since last November. Maybe things will be clearer—for better or for worse—when we hear from Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrullah who will hold a press conference today.

This renewed internal fighting and fears of another civil war have only added to the stress over a potential war between Hezbollah and Israel (and possibly expanding to include their allies Iran, Syria and the US) that everyone has been worried about for weeks.

See also: http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/422778

http://yalibnan.com/site/archives/2008/05/fisk_black_smok.php

Where is the Grampy Bird?

Two years ago we walked to the end of a short pier and sent some of my father’s ashes floating downriver in a small wooden boat.

It was a somber occasion until the boat that my brother had hastily constructed after my father’s unexpected death, abruptly tipped over as we set it down in the water. Everyone laughed. We seemed to need to. Now he was one with the river that he used to love kayaking on before ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) robbed this retired Hartford policeman of his physical strength, and killed him at the age of 56.

Just a day before we had buried more of my father’s ashes in the churchyard cemetery where there was not yet a marker. The wind had blown some of the ashes onto our shoes and clothing. I could barely contain tears after what had been, naturally, a deeply emotional funeral.

… We had our good times and bad times. He was hot tempered. I was sensitive and emotional. We had our arguments; be they political or inconsequential.

He was an inquisitive policeman. I was an inquisitive journalist or as he sometimes called me affectionately – a “news pig.” He was a republican who believed I’d turned into a liberal European.

But we basically understood each other.

When I was a little girl he joined me for father-daughter Girl Scout events such as square dancing, log-splitting contests and camping trips.

Our family enjoyed canoeing together on local lakes, beach vacations in Cape Cod and Florida, and cross country car journeys to see family and friends. We ate TV dinners on and watched the Kentucky Derby. Ordered out for pizza and played board games. Spent hours in video stores looking for vhs rental movies we’d all like. Went to police union picnics in the park and beach barbecues on the Connecticut coast. And so much more…

He came to my soccer games, drove me to piano lessons. He bought me a Mercury Bobcat, then a Dodge Colt when I wrecked the Bobcat at 16. My family all drove from Connecticut to Texas – me in the Colt—to drop me off at college.

My dad left me with a list of car maintenance tips on a piece of green notebook paper. He and my mom visited me from time to time at college in San Antonio. He met my boyfriends and ran background checks. We shared margaritas, visited a doorless Texas saloon in a field somewhere, and took in the Alamo.

Later he visited me in Flagstaff, Arizona where I moved after my university senior year abroad in St. Petersburg, Russia. He bought me a Ford Festiva for graduation. (I had sold the old Colt to the Pep Boys for $150 after the transmission blew around 1990). I showed him the Grand Canyon, and we hiked part-way to the bottom.

When I settled in Moscow, Russia for more school and work he got on a plane and took his first trip abroad besides Mexico. It was days after the October 1993 coup, and I introduced him to a local policeman. Even though he had a stomach bug and was not a big drinker, he sat for hours with me and his Russian “comrade in arms”, drinking vodka and talking while I translated. We blew curfew together (that week there was a national state of emergency), but we had a special pass from the Moscow police just in case we got caught. He loved to re-tell that story later.

We had good times in Washington, DC doing the tourist things such as visiting the war memorials and the museums on the National Mall. Once he and my mom drove up to DC in an ice storm to spend Christmas with me. A four-hour drive turned into 11.

When we moved to Bosnia in 2000, I knew my family was going to miss me. We had seen a lot of each other in the five years I’d lived in DC. And I assumed I’d see a lot of him whenever we returned. Why not?

But then came ALS…

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a motor neuron disease (MND) that attacks nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord, damaging both upper and lower motor neurons.

“ALS is like a lit candle: it melts your nerves and leaves your body a pile of wax. Often it begins with the legs and works its way up. You lose control of your thigh muscles, so that you cannot support yourself standing. You lose control of your trunk muscles, so that you cannot sit up straight. By the end, if you are still alive, you are breathing through a tube in a hole in your throat, while your soul, perfectly awake, is imprisoned inside a limp husk, perhaps able to blink, or cluck a tongue, like something from a science fiction movie, the man frozen inside his own flesh. This takes no more than five years from the day you contract the disease.” (from “Tuesdays With Morrie” by Mitch Albom)

Looking for Meaning

In the days following my father’s death, I tried to find a new physical manifestation of my father.

When we returned home to California, my girls and I were walking on the beach when we saw a large black crow that seemed to be following us. It looked much like the crow that alighted on the church steeple in North Carolina right before my dad’s funeral began. My brother had, coincidentally, glued a pin with the image of a crow to a wooden box he made to hold our Dad’s ashes. And my Dad’s sister, a nature lover like my Dad, had chosen a book about crows from my parents’ library to take home with her following his funeral.

So evaluating all the “evidence” like the good daughter of a police detective, I decided that my father had, in death, become a black crow.

My father was a keen observer of nature and loved birds. He always took care of the birdhouses and the birdbaths in the backyard, and he enjoyed watching them through the picture window. My parents had a path made around the side of the house so he could take his wheelchair out back and enjoy the yard.

So when we saw that crow following us on the beach clear across the country, I told his grand-daughters that that crow was the Grampy bird.

Since then we’ve spotted the Grampy bird or versions of it anyway, on and off. Though, now, I’m not sure I believe it’s my Dad as much as I used too.

Another coping device I had used — that my dad is somehow on a long adventure journey such as the Everglades or Alaska (favorite spots of his) where he can’t be reached by cell phone or e-mail — is not holding up too well anymore either.

Whenever I listen to the opening lyrics to James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” on my ipod – “just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone”, I start crying because sometimes it really seems like yesterday morning that I got the call from my mother. Gordon Lightfoot songs, which he used to listen to while I was growing up, also bring so many memories back and reduce me to tears.

Now I must face it. He can only to appear in my memories and dreams.

Still, it’s comforting to try and believe, that after he suffered from such a debilitating and physically confining disease, my father now has the freedom of movement that birds have.

Dealing with ALS via Email

During the period in which father suffered with ALS, 5 ½ years, I was mostly living out of the country. We communicated a lot via email (what would I have done without it!), phone calls, and saw each other in person a couple times a year.

So my relationship and experiences with my Dad through his disease was different than the way my mother and my brothers experienced it. Each time I saw him I recognized the dramatic physical progression of the disease, and felt the emotional toll it was taking on him, but I didn’t experience the day-to-day or even month-to-month stresses of the disease like the rest of my family.

Through most of the disease my dad was just my same old dad, with his sarcastic sense of humor, thoughtfulness, creativity, and temper flare- ups. But the disease obviously became an important part of his life.

Last week, on the second anniversary of his death, I pulled together some emails from him. I have decided to post some excerpts of particular emails from my dad that show a mix of normalcy and how he was dealing with the disease. In his last year of the disease he didn’t do much writing, but forwarded mass e-mailed jokes and things and dictated thoughts to my mother.

**Note that in some e-mails I have left out the “love, dad” that usually closed out the email because I have not included some text that preceded it. Explanatory notes that give context to the e-mail, when necessary, are written by me in italics.

JUNE 13, 2001

I am pretty perky today, mom and I mowed the yard yesterday. She is getting the hang of
it but will never be as good as me. Women!!!

JULY 12, 2001

Doctor says I do not have als but wants a neurosurgeon to do a nerve biopsy
as well as muscle biopsy at back of ankle,soon as can get an apt. Will be
done in Winston.He still has one or 2 things in mind that I have that are
treatable with chemotherapy drugs or steroids. Kind of scary but at least I
live.

AUGUST 22, 2001

that the steroids will take at least a month in system to begin slow
improvement,only in 14 days so far.. that the strength will take time,that
it should start in arms etc,then legs. Just sort of confirmed the diagnosis,
and said I could exercise with small weights,only thing I can do anyway for
15 minutes every other day. It is going to be a slow uphill journey.

AUGUST 22, 2001

Thanks for calling and showing concern,sorry I was not too sociable. No
excuses,just did not have a good day. Still wondering allot about the
diagnosis. Trying to understand all that has happened this past year. I may
never get the answer. Depressed? Sort of. Anyway I made reservations to
visit Ct. in October for 6 days

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 (date of terrorist attacks in NY. We were in Bosnia at the time)

Can not get thru to you two,spoke with Drew and he has been calling
you,going back to tv,was at cancer ctr,left early. 18 planes in air
supposedly unnacounted for? I am waiting for a NC base to get hit,we have
many around here.

OCTOBER 24, 2001

Just back from a phy. therapy eval. and some work. I have a schedule on
m,w,r, from 10-12 where they are going to work on building the
shoulders,arms,legs and trunk muscles. Rode the stationary bike some today
and will I am sure start to develop some strength. the folks at rehab are
very nice and I am looking forward to it. It was nice talking with you
yesterday.

OCTOBER 26, 2001

I was put thru the ropes today(figure of speech)
and i am sore. I learned allot about compensating for lack of muscle in
shoulders. Josh was here from lunch yesterday till this morn,got his hard
top on jeep for winter,did some digging up garden areas for me so I can
transplant some lilies. I just can not handle a pick.

JULY 18, 2002 (excerpts from an email exchange between me and my Dad)

hi dad,
mom told me you were out mowing the lawn in 100 degree weather. Do you have a death wish? I hope not. Keep cool and healthy!

Hope you are feeling well. Did you see any good movies lately ?

We saw Mulholland Drive. Wow, was it confusing and very strange, but a good overall artistic achievement. We are still reading the reviews trying to figure out exactly what happened in the movie. Don’t think you would like it.

love, julie

(e-mail from my dad to me)

I saw it and did not like it and it was very hard to follow. Insomnia with Robin Williams and Al Pacino was very good. Road to Perdition with Tom Hanks is a graphic gangster movie and he is a hit man. Gangs of New York comes out at Christmas and has Liam Neeson,Leonardo Dicaprio,takes place when all the immigrants were coming to the City. Looks good. Death wish? No I do not but have a terminal disease that I did not wish for. I like mowing-makes me still feel useful.

I will try and stay safe as I would like to be around when the youngun comes. Love to both of you. Be happy,dad

AUGUST 8, 2002

I am alright,having a bit more trouble swallowing,pills especially.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2002 (response to my query about seeing a psychiatrist)

It is NOT a psychiatrist,rather a psychologist to help mom and I get along and cope with this life we have had thrust upon us. It aint easy every day,so do not worry. I probably will not get better,can only hope for a slow progression of the disease. I awake every day and am thankful I can walk. So there,you have greater worries,such as your little bugger and that man who loves you. Love, Dad

SEPTEMBER 25, 2002 (referring to Christopher Reeve appearance on Larry King Live on CNN)

Did not see Larry King,yes Superman is living up to his billing,truly incredible,I do believe when money is no object it also helps,do imagine he had some cash stashed but with all his treatment he too is probably running out…

SEPTEMBER 27, 2002

sorry did not get back to you before you left. I fell in driveway last night while rolling trash to curb,fell,hit head again but not cut. A bit off balance today. Got a hard head thankfully. Enjoy Friday or weekend,love,dad

SEPTEMBER 30, 2002 (referring to annual ALS charity walk)

Hey,been a busy weekend,walk went well,about 400 folks walked. Each year we
do some things different but learning experience,quite tired tonight. Love
dad

OCTOBER 9, 2002 (email exchange between me and my dad)

Hi Dad,

How are you feeling today? Mom had said you were feeling a bit unstable?

Have you thought any more about what you want for Christmas?

Love, Julie

Feel good,just had lunch with a friend,mom having lunch-meeting with rev. bob. As a matter of fact I do. Following web sites,instructions and items. Your choice! www.lids.comwww.espn.com and go to teamstore in left home page column and go to NFL and scroll to Ravens and order adidas exemption hat on sale or ravens Reebok jester cap. OR go to www.nfl.com and go to team shop,then pick team-ravens and order Reebok classic logo purple. There you have 5 choices. You pick. All are between 14 and 21 $ plus shipping. I get a club discount at www.lids.com using my e mail and password … in case you are saving a few bucks. Love to you 3 and sorry bout our yelling match. Dad Go to NFL and scroll to Lions. Reebok ‘alt basic logo’ cap or Scroll to Ravens and pick Reebok alt-pylon cap OR go to

FEBRUARY 19, 2003

I am doing alright,fell on my face yesterday afternoon while bringing in mail,tripped on door step right into entry. Oh well more bruises coming. Sunny today around 60 in sun. ….. I am going to a retreat this weekend at Pelican House at trinity ctr. Our friend Lisa Richey is conducting it,max of 10 people,I being only guy. Should be nice quiet time for reflection. Smoog calling to come in,love dad,hope you both are better.

MARCH 13, 2003

Hey, I am waiting for cleaning folk to come. It is 78 here and once they come I will go out back and read some and weed some. I will put your birdbath back out as I had it in for the winter. We have a ton of birds,squirrels and two rats. Yup they eat birdseed that is left over,and scurry away into the brush. Cute little creatures. I am reading a book called Journeys with ALS. Different stories of folks with it. Most depressing so will read a novel. Can not read too much of that at one sitting.

APRIL 20, 2003 (referring to Scott Petersen who was later convicted of killing his wife Laci. I had asked my dad, a retired policeman with homicide detective experience, what he thought of the case)

SHit yea the husband is guilty,was having an affair and he was weird from day one when he reported her missing. We had a busy day,shopped and yard work,mom weeded a bunch and I mowed,turned out to be a great day,take care. love dad

APRIL 26, 2003 (I would find this a few days after his death in the pocket of a suit jacket he wore to an ALS charity gala)

Hey daughter bear,I either lost or a cleaning person stole my good luck pouch with a blessed crucifix,Bosnia bear coin,and a buffalo talisman etc. If possible find a Bosnia bear coin before you leave. Thanks,dad

NOVEMBER 4, 2004

about 430 yesterday I reached for ice coffee in fridge,spilled it,went to clean it up,fell backwards,hit butt on floor then onto back of head,bump,no cut,was unable to get up,pushed neck button,was able to have emts come,got me up,neighbors,mom got there,did not go to hospital,doing alright,will remain in w chair till trip,so wish to see you all,might be last one. A good friend from support group called last night,husband passed,was diagnosed after me. We are sad.. He was a bit younger than me. Good to talk with you. Nancy is picking me up in hour to go for bagel,we take folding light w chair,something like one we rented in Oceanside,love dad.

FEBRUARY 4, 2005

yup,Vietnamese soup in local market. watched dvd Hidalgo,at home this morn,very good movie. going to ecu theatre tonight for Dance 205,a variety of all sorts. was good last ear. doing house,van stuff tomorrow,no big plans,rented serpico to watch tomorrow. Love,dad

APRIL 29, 2005 (email exchange between me and my dad)

Hi dad,

Happy birthday a day early, and lots of love! Did you guys already leave for DC? I know you are going to a game tomorrow. Have a good time on your trip!

THANKS,YOU 3,LEAVING ROUND 930 SAT AM. LOVE,DAD LOVED THE PICS.

NOVEMBER 11, 2005 (My Dad and Mom had visited Dubrovnik in Spring 2001)

Watch the Today show this morning– Matt is in Dubrovnik.

FEBRUARY 26, 2006 (referring to relative that had cancer)

I have been fortunate so to speak to live this long with ALS knowing full well there was no cure and still isn’t. I don’t believe even though I am wasting away physically and sometimes mentally that I would wish for what B— is surely to go through.

-end-

More Information About ALS:

It’s believed that as many as 30,000 Americans currently have ALS. Statistically speaking, nearly 5,600 people each year in the United States alone are diagnosed with ALS, which is five times higher than Huntington’s disease and about equal to Multiple Sclerosis.

In the US, ALS is also called Lou Gehrig’s Disease, named after the 1920s and 30s world record-holding New York Yankees baseball player. His amazing career was cut short by ALS, and he died at the age of 37 after only two years with the disease.

The ALS information I summarized above is mainly drawn from US research and statistics and can be found on the ALS Association North Carolina Chapter web site. http://www.catfishchapter.org/

The chapter is named for Jim “Catfish” Hunter a star New York Yankee pitcher from North Carolina. He was diagnosed with ALS in 1998 well after his retirement in 1979. He died in 1999 at the age of 53.

Return of the Spanish Omelet

I’m sitting at the Nocean Café in Tyre. Taking a break from Costa. I first started the design of this blog and the initial posts last year from this very location. Drinking espressos and eating the $2.50 Spanish Omelet.

Today I am back. The sky is just as clear. The sea is just as blue. The political situation is just as uncertain. The omelet tastes the same. But I am not quite the same.

I am a year older. I don’t have any communications consultancies lined up this year. My blog has earned me about $4.11. I have readied myself to go back into the workforce full time and have sent out a few job applications. I’ve been shortlisted for three jobs. I even had an interview last week. Today I am “waiting by the phone/email” for the results/outcome.

Meanwhile I’m contemplating 2 years without my Dad who died on April 27, 2006. The 2^nd anniversary of his funeral was yesterday, April 30. April 30 was also his birthday. He was only 56.

I have been working most of the morning on trying to put together some kind of tribute to this complex human being whom I had a complicated, yet loving relationship with. Trying to decide what goes up on the blog, and what stays private. Trying to separate my father from the disease, ALS, that claimed his life. He confronted, struggled with, and physically and mentally dealt with the dreadful disease for the last 5 ½ years of his life.

I have dreamt about him throughout the past two years — both in the wheel chair and out of it. In most of my dreams though, he is alive, and at the end of the dream I come to the realization – Aren’t you supposed to be dead? Then I wake up.

Keep Her Away From The Pole

My little brother jokingly advised me, shortly after my daughter was born, “Keep her away from the pole.” He wasn’t referring my traveling lifestyle and any possibility we might someday end up living at the north or South Pole. He was talking about protecting her innocence and keeping her away from the pole at a strip club.

Five years later I have two daughters, and they are growing up. They are into playing with Barbies and Fulla (Islamic Barbie who comes complete with a modest dress and a hijab
http://www.fulla.us/) But the dolls, even Fulla, always seem to be naked. The Barbie clothes are ripping anyway. And who knows where the matches to any of the high heels are. My littlest one runs around the house squealing “Barbie’s naked”. My husband wonders what the fascination they seem to have with nakedness is all about.

My girls also have a Ken doll, a generous Christmas present from their babysitter. My oldest, you see, had become concerned that there were no boys in their Barbie world. But as far as I can tell Ken has since been sidelined. I found him one day wedged head down between the kitchen and the car garage. My daughter told me he was “training for the circus.”

But maybe the Barbies are just not into him. He has a foppish blond haircut and his shirt and pants of his tuxedo don’t come off. While the jacket comes off, the sleeveless shirt is sewn around the neck and sewn to his pants. As soon as my girls discovered his clothes don’t come off and he can’t “take a bath” he was neglected.

Meanwhile the other Barbies have had numerous baths in the plastic tub on the balcony and their hair is a disaster. The girls have proposed ditching the one with especially bad hair as well as Fulla, whose one leg keeps coming off. Meanwhile I keep trying to get rid of an associate Barbie, called a Brat, whose head is grotesquely large for her body.

The Barbies are not always the center of attention. The plastic ponies are always pretty and “the strawberries”—a gang of goody-goody plastic friends (who are perpetually clothed) called Strawberry Shortcake, Angel Cake and Orange Blossom— often sleep in the Barbie beds, cook in the Barbie kitchen and eat the Barbie food while the Barbie clique lays naked, contorted, and scattered throughout the house.

I have no idea what possessing Barbies means for the psychological development of my young daughters. They are definitely into the dolls at a younger age than I was. I do know that their imaginations have definitely benefited. Since Barbies don’t talk the girls are free to make up all kinds of hilarious dialogue and put the dolls in every day scenarios. So that’s ok.

But I just read an AFP report today that the prosecutor general in Iran is incensed at the inundation of Western icons, such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter in the market there. He has called for the youth to be protected from the harmful cultural effects of these figures. According to AFP, the student ISNA news agency quoted the prosecutor general Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi as saying, “We need to find substitutes to ward off this onslaught, which aims at children and young people whose personality is in the process of being formed.”

Mr. Najafabadi would have probably blown a gasket if he’d seen in an Iranian shop, what I saw in our local discounter in Tyre, Lebanon last Saturday.

The Sliemart shop in Tyre has all you want of cheap and cheaply made toys, coloring books, stickers, other stationary store items, clocks, and kitchen items. Last Christmas they carried a tacky array of decorations and Christmas ornaments.

But Saturday I was stopped dead in my tracks when I discovered on one of the toy shelves, a toy called “Pole Dance.”

It really defies description. So here’s a picture I snapped with my mobile phone camera. I’m not sure if there are sound effects. I’m going to have to go back to the shop and check. But I do know this, as a parent I have to draw the line somewhere.

I’m certain that this little “pole dancer” doll is not the kind of toy I’m going to buying my girls anytime soon.

Jogging My Memory Part 2: Washington, DC

** This entry is a continuation of the biographical/travel post “Jogging My Memory” that ran on April 12, and covered jogging and life in South Windsor, CT, San Antonio, Texas, Leningrad/St. Petersburg, Russia, Flagstaff, Arizona, and Moscow Russia.
http://theharbins.info/julieblog/?p=121

…….What can I say about my DC running days that ended already eight years ago?

Well…who doesn’t run in Washington, DC? While it’s far from a novelty there, unlike in Moscow or Sarajevo, the threat of danger can blunt the romanticism of running through one of the city’s most scenic locales.

That said, my favorite jogging route back in the mid-90s, started in Rock Creek Park http://www.nps.gov/rocr/ (near where the body of DC intern Chandra Levy was found in 2001 and where other sexual assaults had taken place), and ended at Thompson’s Boat Center on the Potomac where you could rent canoes and rowboats. http://www.thompsonboatcenter.com/direct.htm

Another of my routes was more urban, taking me all the way down Connecticut Avenue past the National Zoo http://nationalzoo.si.edu/, some of the city’s legendary apartment buildings, cozy cafes, a couple metro stations, and the Lebanese Taverna http://www.lebanesetaverna.com/restaurants/dc/ in Woodley Park, before traversing the bridge with the lion statues on it. (unfortunately also a popular suicide spot).

Soon after crossing the bridge I’d pass the Washington Hilton http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilton_Washington where President Ronald Reagan was shot, then enter the trendy Dupont Circle neighborhood with numerous restaurants and cafes, my favorite museum in DC (The Phillips Collection http://www.phillipscollection.org/ ), and beloved book store Kramerbooks & Afterwords Café http://www.kramers.com/. Not far away was the Brickskeller http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brickskeller boasting the world’s largest beer list, and an independent movie house where I first saw “The Insider”.

Beyond that neighborhood my run took me through the city’s business district – home of the beltway bandits, i.e. the offices of lobbyists, lawyers, consultants, and government contractors. There were also news organizations in the general area including ABC and CBS and now– Al Jazeera English. You’d be dodging briefcases and commuters if you ran during business hours, so this route was easier to manage on weekends.

From there it was relatively easy jaunt to the White House and/or the National Mall. Great places for people watching. At the National Mall—kite flyers, protesters, museum-goers, t-shirt sellers—and at the White House – more protesters, more tourists, and the national media.

Then an uphill run back home.

My first home in DC, when I moved from Moscow in 1995, was the Quebec House www.quebechouseapts.com in Cleveland Park. This complex, full of singles and seniors, is where I made some good friends and met my husband. Great neighborhood with a decent bagel joint, two Irish bars http://www.nannyobriens.com/ , http://www.irelandsfourprovinces.com/index.html, a historic movie theater http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uptown_Theater_(Washington,_D.C, a smoky pool hall, a convenient fruit and vegetable market, a dingy grocery store, and the laziest-staffed McDonalds on the planet. I wonder if the old neighborhood is still recognizable.

A couple years later I had moved to the Van Ness North co-op complex up Connecticut Avenue a few blocks at the Van Ness/UDC metro stop.

This was also a neighborhood full of conveniences. Pier 1 imports and Ethan Allen happily took my hard earned cash from 4AM shifts at NBC News. The Politics & Prose Bookstore and Coffeehouse http://www.politics-prose.com/ also parted me with my cash on a regular basis. Spending hours in bookstores is a luxury I miss these days.

Burger King staples, pizzas from a local Italian place, and salmon omelets from some breakfast place were splurges when we were too lazy to cook. And really, there could be no excuse for not cooking. Our apartment complex was linked to the Giant grocery store through the garage. It was even conceivable to leave the unit in flip-flops and shirt-sleeves in winter, ride the elevator to the garage level, and enter the grocery store with the granny cart to pick up dinner — without getting cold!

In summer, when it was too hot and humid for running, I enjoyed laps in the Van Ness North Pool or worked out at the Gold’s Gym down the road.

What was on my walkman back then? Stayin’-Alive by N-Trance, various angry Melissa Etheridge tunes and inspirational songs by Journey and Survivor.